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I’m fighting this battle alone,
I’m fighting my own self with the thoughts inside my head;
Slowly eating me up and tearing me down.
As darkness and emptiness reigned once again,
I stared into nothingness,
And all I can ever feel is disdain.
I’ve become too wary of the things around me,
With all those gloom and bluntness filled with uncertainty.
It’s creeping in, getting through me.
I knew for a fact that I lost it all;
It’s like I’m dealing with a devil,
My head’s spinning and it’ll all be gone with one last call.
Everything rushes in as if I’m on a chase,
The guilt, the sadness, and the pain piles up
That I’ve been longing to erase.
And to add up my insecurities and flaws that drags me down,
The feeling of being unloved and misunderstood,
I can never outgrown.
Through the times that it felt like a battlefield,
And there I was striving hard to live.
As each and every time someone will push me down,
And it’ll feel like I’m so close to drown.
I’m already tired of reaching for someone’s hand,
When even lending a hand can be withstand.
I never wanted to be a burden, I never wanted to be a nuisance.
And they told me that death will never be a solution.
Still, the thoughts flooded my head,
Making me choose whether to continue or to end.
I need them, I need her, I need him.
I’m sorry that today I’ll give up,
Being tired will never be easy when even rest can’t help.
As I wrote the note and tied the rope,
I stared into nothingness once again.
Those two words that were stuck inside my head. . .
Memento mori, remembering the day of my death.
Original piece written around December 19, 2017.
Final piece was edited on the 12th of February 2019.